glitch

So apparently I'm not a lesbian anymore. And I'm not a vegetarian. I'm still angry? Love me anyways.

More later.

proposition 8, part deux

Wifey and I went to the Costa Mesa, CA, jointheimpact protest today, and it was rockin'. We congregated at a major intersection outside a massive mall (you KNOW how these OC folks love their malls), and we filled up each corner and marched and chanted back and forth in the crosswalks. There were some great signs -- for example, one gay dude had a sign that said, "Would you rather I married your daughter?" That cracked me up.

Lots of "Straight Against H8te" signs (and t-shirts! Get your "Straight Against H8" t-shirt and/or thong here), "Do I get to vote on YOUR marriage now?" signs, and various "equal rights for all people" types of messages. If you want to check out some great photos, head on over to the jointheimpact.com photo gallery. Photos are flooding in right now, so keep checking back for more.

The wife and I held three signs. One I held between us, and it said "JUST MARRIED" (awwwwww). Side note: Some guy took multiple pictures of us holding the "JUST MARRIED" sign. He wore a "No on 8" t-shirt, but I'm not sure if he was affiliated with a particular organization or just documenting the whole event for personal reasons. I'm hoping to see one or two of those photos pop up somewhere online, though, because we didn't have a camera with us. Drat.

Anyway, the lil' woman alternated between a sign with two stick figure females with kids between them, all holding hands, that said "LEGAL RIGHTS FOR ALL FAMILIES" (a response to the "Yes on 8" campaign signs); and one that said "Mind your OWN marriage" (a play on the anti-Focus on the Family bumper stickers that say "Focus on your own damn family!" and, of course, the well-known saying "Mind your own business!").

There is, as always, debate within the LGBT community about the best way to handle our dealings with those on the other side of this issue. Some people are in favor of a more "FUCK YOU, HATERS!" kind of approach, while others want to quote the Bible and/or MLK, Jr., in a more "gentle, angry people" kind of approach, and -- loved this one -- one guy even talked about THANKING pro-8 voters for voting, "even though you didn't vote the way I would have liked!" Can't get on board with that last one, I must admit.

For the most part, I swing between the FUCK-YOU-HATERS camp and the gentle-angry-people camp. Sometimes I just want to scream until I turn purple, because DAMMITALL these people realy piss me off. I mean, fer chrissakes...get the hell outta my business, ya crazy nutballs.

ACTUALLY, I have a unique idea for next CA prop-time's political strategy. Let's not even talk about equality or gay marriage or anything like that. Let's just figure out who's likely to be anti-queer, and let's get out there and find them some hobbies! SERIOUSLY, no, come on! If they had something to do with their time, I bet they wouldn't be so quick to go bazonkers over what(ever the heck on earth they think) we're doing. Don't you figure these people must be really BORED? I can't imagine spending as much time and money as these folks are spending trying to stop someone else from doing something that doesn't involve me. Really, let me just reiterate that: Why would I spend SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY on stopping someone else from doing something that doesn't involve me? I wouldn't. I'm living my life, I don't need to tell you how to live yours.

I have hobbies.

So, I urge you, support this pro-gay-marriage campaign for 2010: teach anti-gay people how to play checkers. Ohhhh, sure, go ahead and chuckle now, my friends -- but when those "protect traditional marriage" folks are all too concerned about hopping diagonal and winning each other's checkers to give a rat's tail what we're doing with our private lives and attendant legal attachments, you'll thank me BIG-TIME.

Seriously, though...no matter what pro-gay camp you prefer, make sure you're doing something. I don't care if you blog or you march or you write letters or you charter a plane and write "Equal taxation = Equal rights" across the sky...but just do something (or numerous somethings, actually, since you're already up and all).

Here are a few links for you. They interest me, so I figure some of y'all might be interested, too.

If you go to the CA secretary of state website, you can track donations made to the Yes on 8 Campaign. Allow me to offer you a list of several donors:

the president of J2 Global Communications;
Dalena Farms, Inc., of Madera, CA;
Staker Law of Camarillo, CA (I'd link it for y'all, but the page has a javascript issue and is a pain in the arse to load);
James Lansing, president of Lansing Building Products in Richmond, VA;
Laurence E. Simmons, president of SCF Partners of Houston, Texas.

Aw, hell, let's just get totally personal about it.

Hey, Rocklin, CA, residents! If you need some advice from an Allstate agent, DON'T GO TO James Kersey, an Allstate financial advisor in your area. He donated $1,000 to Prop 8. Give your money to someone who doesn't consider you -- and want you to remain -- a second-class citizen.

If you'd like to live in the city of Lompoc, CA, DON'T RENT FROM Landlord Karen Frankenberger ("T & K FRANKENBERGER"). She donated $1,000 to Prop 8.

If you live in or around the Temecula area of CA and you're having pee-pee problems, DON'T SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION FROM Philip B. Brodak of Tri-Valley Urology. He donated $1,000 to Prop 8. Trust me, gays, you don't want his advice about your pee-pee.

Suffering from foot problems in Roseville, CA? AVOID podiatrist Steven K. Shoemaker, DPM, & Associates, because Mr. Shoemaker donated $2,500 to Prop 8.

Finally, as a diabetic homosexual, I want to note that I find it especially disappointing that John Liljenquist, a physician at the Rocky Mountain Diabetes Center in Idaho Falls, Idaho, donated $2,000 to Proposition 8. For shame, Doc. I'd rather go into a diabetic coma than accept your medical attentions!

On the other hand, I got a giggle out of this one: Amber M. Dickson donated $2,500 to Proposition 8. She's a wedding planner in San Francisco. Shoot yourself in the foot, why don'tcha, Amber.

There are a lot more donors, and they're all listed on the CA secretary of state website. Go ye there, and create thine own list of business not to patronize. Boycotting is a time-honored tactic in fighting for civil rights. Get to it.

You might want to visit http://www.marriageequality.org/, whose mission is "to secure legally recognized civil marriage equality for all, at the federal and state level, without regard to sex identity, gender identity, or sexual orientation." They're mostly based out of CA, but they're clearly spreading across the country. Hell, they've got a chapter recently opened up in central IOWA. They're obviously coming to a town near you, if they aren't there already. And if they're taking too long, you can head up your own chapter. Hands-on, baby!

I've got more, but even politically-energized lesbians need sleep. Posting will resume tomorrow; there's a whole lot I want to discuss and hash out.

<3

proposition 8 (goddammit)

So the partner and I moved to California just in time to get hitched-...

Ahem.

The WIFE and I moved to California just in time to get hitched, vote against Proposition 8, and then see Prop 8 pass and make same-sex marriages illegal (again) in California.

Bite me?

At this point, those of us who got married before Prop 8 passed are still legally married, and in any case the WIFE and I plan to find excuses to use the term "WIFE" whenever someone to whom we're speaking strikes us as anti-queer. We don't actually like the term "WIFE" -- hell, we're in favor of abolishing ALL marriages; same-sex marriage rights are a second-best scenario, to be honest -- but sometimes it's just so much more important that John Q. Conservative really hates it that we're espoused. Hehehe. As a married, lesbian Eric Cartman might say, WIFE WIFETY WIFE WIFE WIFE!

We are attending a nearby rally this Saturday -- one of the "join the impact" nation-wide rallies to protest Prop 8 and the anti-same-sex-marriage agenda, generally. Tomorrow shall be a day of sharpies and posterboard and pro-marriage slogans in this household, goddammit. (Tangential note: if I weren't conveniently already a member of an oppressed minority, I'd have to find some cause or other that required creating signs, because DAMN I love sharpie markers. Mmmmm. Such a smooth, liquidy-yet-not-excessively-smearable line, yesss. Gollum loves the precious.)

Would you believe the WIFE and I didn't even know about the on-going protests -- every night since the passage of Prop 8 -- until a couple of days ago? We finally saw it on the news! Mind you, she's a grad student, and we live on a COLLEGE CAMPUS. There are no signs (except the ones we put up yesterday...but, actually, most of those were missing when we looked for them today, so once again there are no signs), no invitations to join the campus LGBT group on a trip to attend one or more protests (are they even doing so? no idea!), NOTHING. I've heard people talk about how here in the OC we're living isolated behind an "orange curtain" of conservativism, but...have I mentioned that we're on a COLLEGE CAMPUS?

I guess we're lucky we found out about the whole thing in time to go a-protesting this weekend. If you're looking to find a protest near you, by the way, I suggest clicking over to http://www.jointheimpact.com/ ASAP. These protests are going on all over the place, so you should be able to find one in your area. And if you miss this weekend's activities, keep your ears pricked -- it sounds like there will be more. I'm not really sure what goal we have in mind, per se, but it seems to involve marching and protesting until SOMETHING changes.

Personally, I think the visibility alone is important. People -- on our side, against us, on the fence -- need to see that we're a big group of diverse human beings, and that we're going to advocate for our rights. It matters. When I saw the news footage of the protests, my first reaction was an involuntary internal cheer: there we are! We're not just lying down for this, we're out there and WHERE CAN I BUY SOME SHARPIES AND POSTERBOARD AROUND HERE? Just providing other LGBT folks with that sudden elation, that feeling of connection and pride and hope, is a worthwhile reason to march.

More on this subject after Saturday. For now, I must husband (a-hahahaha!) my mental energies for the task of inventing witty, snarky poster slogans.

genderfun at work

A guy who's been my co-worker for about three weeks recently made it clear that he thinks I'm a man. I've had conversation with him and eaten lunch at the same table during at least one lunch break. I wear a nametag whereon my (decidedly feminine) name is printed in large black letters. Folks call me "she" and "her."

This guy, on the other hand, calls me "a good man" and "buddy," and asks me for advice about home construction. Yes, that's right -- he tried to do the "man talk" with me. (Disclaimer: Right, I obviously don't consider such subjects the domain of men...but I'm pretty sure he does, and that's what matters here.)

Sure, okay, fine. It's weird because of the interactions/contact we've had, as mentioned above (talking, lunch, nametag, etc.)...but I find it funny, not offensive or "upsetting." I told a couple of the people I work with, and I told it in a way that CLEARLY showed I thought it was hysterical -- NOT, let me repeat, offensive or "upsetting."

Yesterday, my boss came up to me and said, "So I heard Bob* had a little, um, misunderstanding, huh?" She -- like everyone else at work -- was highly amused. At least she, however, did not feel the need to "reassure" me that my femininity shines out like a womanly beacon that no right-minded human being could miss (oh, okaaay...no one else used those exact words, either...but...). People do not believe me when I say I don't find it "offensive" when someone thinks I'm a guy. They make up weird shit about the structure of my face or the way my hair falls (what there is of it) being feminine, go on about how I don't (and never did! never, never!) seem at all non-female/woman to them, and generally whip out the fancy conversational footwork to deal with the awkward combination of

No Woman Wants to Be So Gender-Neutral/Masculine
as to be Mistaken for a Man

+

Yikes! This Woman Looks a Whole Lot Like a Man.

This reaction is not unique to this particular couple of people, they just happen to be the ones who had it most recently. You'd be surprised how often folks reassure me that they would never mistake me as a man, that I'm not masculine, etc.

Dude, if I gave a rat's ass about that shit, don't you think I'd shave my legs and my pits (rather than the sides of my head -- #3 buzz, my fave), wear a dress now and then...or something? It's interesting that my intentions don't matter . Even though it's clear that I don't intend to look any way but how I do look, and even though it's hard to deny that "how I do look" is usually...let's say "gender ambiguous," at least...people still scramble to assure me of my Immutable Femininity. In this most recent episode, one girl actually ARGUED with me about it. I don't think she was pushing the issue because she felt I needed to be reassured about my supposed femininity; she was pushing it for herself, because she needed some kind of reassurance. It was threatening to her that I -- a female with whom she's acquainted in a generally pleasant way -- would legitimately be mistaken for male. Or that I would accept the mistake as understandable, maybe? Or that it doesn't bother me at all that I look the way I do while knowing that the way I look is gender-ambiguous/masculine?

I bet if I girled it up, it would garner me a significant deal of social acceptance, and never mind the lesbianism. I'd be a dyke in a dress, but the dress would at least indicate that I was trying to do what I'm supposed to do, gender-wise. I'm telling you -- it sounds weird, but so many people could care less that I'm a lesbian...and can't stand/understand/accept that I don't try to -- don't care to -- "look like a woman." With such people (liberal-ish, often young-ish), homosexuality has become relatively acceptable, even if they still consider it privately mockable (and I'm sure most of them do)...but the gender ambiguity/mix-n-match/etc. either severely confuses them or actually gets them riled.

(Note: I <3 most of my co-workers, and even the few who've made awkward gender-related comments fall into the "confused"/well-meaning camp rather than the "riled" camp. And yes, I know I'm lucky. :])

*Name changed to protect the clueless.

Silly Capitalist, Selflessness is for NOT YOU

My mother has told me many times that she can't stand people who don't do anything without thinking of how they, themselves, will benefit. You know what she's talking about -- those people who weigh the potential cost/benefit to themselves before they'll smile at you (let alone actually give you a hand with something).

What's interesting to me about that is that my mother -- and others who hold similar opinions about self-serving people -- is pretty firmly pro-capitalism. Doesn't that seem odd?

Capitalism promotes exactly what she can't stand in individuals. So why on earth would she like it in a system? I mean, the system's sort of like "God" -- it creates people in its image. A system based on screwing labor in order to widen the margin between what you pay out and what you receive in return for that payment isn't intended to create folks brimming with selflessness.

I See Rude People

I know a lot of people hate it when others look at them and label them the wrong gender, or can't seem to figure out which way to label them. (When it comes to ideals, I'm a "don't label me" kind of human, but in day-to-day situations...well, good luck.)

I actually don't mind all that much. I mean, as my mother pointed out earlier this evening, I -- a woman -- look like many gender-norm folks' idea of a guy. Okay, actually, she didn't just "point it out." It went much like this:

Me: Today, yet another woman at the store told a friend that "this nice young gentleman is helping me." I mean, you know, I get that I'm not feminine..but I don't think I look like a guy, per se.
Mom: You don't?! [pointedly looks me up and down, lingering especially on the super-short hair]
Me: Wow.

Okay, fine, I look like a guy (by which, obviously, I mean the stereotype of what a "guy" looks like...stick with me here, people). I mean, when your own mother thinks so...jeez.

Still, anyway, it's not the misidentification or confusion that bothers me. I mean, if a person's confused, then a person's confused. Fine. That's okay with me for the the same reason that little kids asking their parents "Is that a boy or a girl??" doesn't really bother me. Yes, it clearly indicates that so many people expect -- and raise their kids to expect -- feminine women and masculine men, but while I have an issue with that mindset, I don't blame the individuals for being confused. It's an over-arching social problem, and I don't expect an individual confronted (perhaps for the first time? Who knows?) with an unusual gender presentation to completely hide her or his reaction (yeah, okay, I could say "hir"...but the people I'm talking about are quite decidedly "hers" or "hims!"). Actually, causing that confusion is part of why I look the way I do: I want people to have to look at me and wonder, because I'm hoping to mess with people's rigid ideas about what a man or a woman "must" or "should" look like.

What irritates me is the rude way in which so many people demonstrate their confusion/uncertainty/unease/etc. I've had women in a women's bathroom look at me, then pointedly look at the "ladies" sign; look at me again, and once again pointedly glare at the "ladies" sign. I've had a guy do the whole, "Actually, the store's about to close, sir...uh, ma'am!...uh, I mean, sir! Ma'am!" -- closer look at my face (don't ask me what he saw) -- "I mean, sir!" Yeah, okay, he was flustered...but come on, why not just fucking say, "Actually, the store's about to close"? Nice and simple, very straightforward, unproblematic.

Today, a woman told her young child to move out of my way as I pulled a rolling car down an aisle of the store in which I work. She said to the kid, "Oh, okay, Tommy*, get out of the way for the--" and then she glanced at me to see whether I was "the lady" or "the gentleman"....and her mouth flopped open, and she just stared at me as I pulled my cart along. I think she picked her jaw up off the floor right after I cheerfully thanked the child for moving aside, because as I got further away I finally heard her murmuring something about "not blocking people's way" to the kid. But jeez. Is it unreasonable to expect an adult to at least be able to NOT gawp? Sure, yeah, at least she didn't point or run for a pitchfork with which to rally the villagers to Kill The Beast!! Kill The Beast!!...but I think it was touch-and-go for a minute there, I really do.

Yes, I expect this kind of negative reaction. People often don't deal well with things that make them nervous and/or confused. Still, I can't help hoping for better.

I guess the ultimate-long-run-some-day pay-off is that some ungrateful generation of snot-nosed kids will eventually be able to walk around all gender-blender without having to deal with the ma'am-sir-ma'am phenomenon or the "this is the ladies' room!" debacles or any of the other crap.

That way, they'll have more time free to bitch about how previous generations didn't do anything for gender/sexuality freedom. :)

BITCH and the Boston Dyke March

For anyone who doesn't know, the Boston Dyke March recently cancelled the event's scheduled performance by BITCH because "some people" complained that she's "transphobic." (For some more in-depth and close-to-the-source information on Bitch's relationship to transfolks, check out Animal Prufrock's blog post "in support of bitch.")

Why is Bitch supposedly transphobic? If you haven't guessed that the answer to that question somehow relates to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival (Michfest), you haven't been paying attention. Yep, that's right -- Bitch is "transphobic" because she performs at Michfest, a week-long annual event/community created by and for women who were born female and identify as women.

This all sounds terribly familiar. When Partner was attending Cornell University, we found out that the Cornell LGBT Resource Center will not sponsor or co-sponsor any performers who have performed/do perform at Michfest.

As I wrote in my e-mail to the organizers of the Boston Dyke March (and I encourage you to contact them, too -- dykemarch@gmail.com), I don't feel welcome or included in spaces where it's been made clear that any members of the LGBT community who hold opinions that differ from this popular trans-movement party-line (which I don't necessarily think is even held by the majority of transfolks, for the record -- this kind of thing almost always ends up coming from some uber-vocal minority, so my guess is that that's the case here, as well) are not respected or allowed to have a voice without being shouted down (or CANCELLED, if they're performers) as "transphobes."

(And, to repeat my question from another post, how do you have a meaningful conversation with someone who just keeps calling you ignorant and fearful? You can't. It isn't possible. If you can't recognize that my position, though you disagree with it, is based in careful consideration, thought, and experience, how can we communicate?)

If you're interested in reading Bitch's response to the question Do you get shit from the trans community for playing at Michigan? (in an About.com Lesbian Life interview), head on over to Interview with Bitch.

Anyway, anyone who's familiar with Bitch and doesn't realize how amazing she is drops about as far down as you can drop in my estimation. Bitch is an outstanding artist and an outstanding person, and I hope she's ignoring all this "transphobe" crap as much as possible.